It is almost a year since my last post. I had several things occur in the last year that I would normally write about. I also had people ask if/when I would do another post. I am not sure why I have not written when there were ample opportunities. I embarked on a few adventures this past year that took up my extra time... starting a private practice with a colleague and eventually closing it, leaving the hospital where I worked for another position which I find myself leaving again for yet another job. I don't like that I change jobs so many times since moving to South Carolina but I must say I found a little peace in reading a summary about "myself" from a Myers Brigg's Personality test. (I know, we don't put a ton of stock into these....but still!)
As an ENFP it stated the following "ENFPs are very likely to pursue several different careers during their life. They may seem directionless and without purpose to others but they actually know how to keep consistent as long as what they do is in line with their values. ENFPs needs to feel they are living their lives according to their true selves and that they are doing what they believe is right." So of course, I am now justified in my numerous changes...wink, wink.
The past year was also a stage for personal changes. While the move to South Carolina stimulated changes from the get go, it seems that I settled into them more in the past year. I understand that people grow and change their entire life, but I feel like I have just begun being me. I cut my hair into a pixie and got two tattoos. While these are physical examples of change, they represent a mindset that I am moving into. One of honest reflection and confidence in who I am without too much weight being placed on outsider opinion. (A rather big step for me). It is all-at-once exciting and calming to start "coming into yourself" and being okay with what that looks like. I think people do this at different times in life. My perception is that I am doing this later in life than others, but who knows.
In the past couple of months, J and I began aggressively de-cluttering our home of things that we've
held on to for the sake of having "stuff". Up until a few weeks ago, I enjoyed getting rid of things but still fought the urge to want to keep getting new things. I am obviously not saying that buying things is bad- I still shop!- but I struggled with wanting to still "keep up". I am not sure what the shift was but now I seem to be more at peace about our choices and motivated to continue with them because of how it affects our life, not because it is hip to live in "tiny" houses with minimal possessions.
I had to fill out paperwork for a gym that J and I started attending last year (I obviously did not complete it in a timely manner) and it asked me what my goals/motivation were. If I answered it for when I first started taking the classes, then my answer was "to get hot!". I obviously would write "to lose weight, tone up, shape up, etc" but we all know what that really means- I want to look good! Answering the question almost a year after joining the gym now produces a different response- I actually want to be healthy and strong and feel good internally. I enjoy the balance that working out and doing yoga brings to me mentally. Aside from this being more introspective rambling, I see it as another example of my focus shifting from outside views and noise to inner peace and purpose.
I have rambled a bit, but to come full circle, I believe that this progression of simplifying/coming into myself has also affected my blogging. When blogging, it is easy to get caught up in how many people read/like/comment on your posts and trying to make sure I write things that can be shared on "blog parties" to rack up even more followers/readers. That is exhausting and even stressful! It felt like another thing that was cluttering my life. I believe my new focus is to write when I feel compelled and if that means it is a super, introspective post, then so be it, but if it is a quick blip about businesses and events around town then that works too.
(can't get my spacing to cooperate for some reason)
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