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My husband and I moved from Mississippi to South Carolina in July of 2012. We are excited to share our adventures from our new home!

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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Babies...The expected next step

Before I start, there are two important things. 
1. I am not talking badly about those who have children.
2. I am not saying that I am 100% not having children.

I feel like there are two big clubs in our social world. The Married Club and the Parents Club. So, you're going along, doing things like graduating from college and working a "grown up" job when your friends start getting married. Then you realize these clubs exist and you are in the third club...The Singles Club. For a while you enjoy being an adult member of The Singles Club until you start getting those questions about why you are not dating anyone.

THEN

You start dating someone! Yay! BUT you are not out of the woods yet.
It seemed like when J and I were dating, I was always getting asked (by married couples) if  it was serious, were we getting married, when we were getting married, etc. (These are totally acceptable questions) So, then you get engaged and all the people from The Married Club start saying things like "Just wait until you get married..." or "Enjoy it now because when you get married...". It's awesome how positive they are. It was like I wasn't going to really know relationships worked until I said "I do."  

SO

We said "I do"! Woo hoo!! FINALLY members of The Married Club. We had arrived. (or so we thought) I thought that since we're were members that the comments about not knowing anything because we weren't married would be over. I was wrong. They just got reworded into "Awe, newlyweds, just wait till you've been married for ____ amount of years." Crap, okay so even though we are members it's like being pledges. We still don't have any street cred. 

FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE DOWN! 

Now, we are no longer single and no longer in the first year of marriage!! We are official members of The Married Club and have the ability to make stupid comments to other singles and pledges. This new found pride and power was soon crushed because we then learned about The Parents Club. This one bothers me the most. It's like societies last confirmation of reaching adulthood. This post is full of sarcasm and humor but let me explain where I am coming from.

It seems like everywhere, no exaggeration, everywhere I go...work, church, social gatherings, grocery store, etc. I get asked 
1. Are you married? 
2. Do you have children? 
(and when I say "no" to #2) 
3. Why not?? 

The "why not" question did not always bother me. I would answer politely and say things like "Oh, we are still newlyweds" or "Not yet, but someday soon!" Even though I was smiling and being as nice as possible, I was still getting responses like "Well, How old are you?.... Ya'll better get on it!"  What's with all the pressure? Then I started getting things like, "When you have children you will fully understand what it is like to love." So, okay. 

 Now when people ask the question I am very honest with my answers. "We are happy with it just being the two of us right now...maybe someday down the road." (and one that really scares people) "You know, we are not positive that we want to have kids." Oh, the facial expressions I get when I say this.  They pick up their children and take a step backwards like I just said that I hated all children. Okay, so maybe that is an exaggeration, but I have not met anyone that was not shocked, confused or just plain befuddled when I told them this. The thought of a married couple without plans of joining The Parent Club is just absurd. This bothers me. 

What bothers me is that, for the most part, people cannot seem to grasp the thought of a couple choosing not to have children. Not only do they not understand it, but they start trying to convince you otherwise and say things like "Oh, it's just a phase." Okay, so what, like puberty? As a society, we seem to pity those who cannot have children but think oddly of those who simply choose not to have them. Why is it easier for us to think "it's just a phase" rather than accepting that some people just don't want to join The Parent Club?

AGAIN
 1. I have nothing against people with children. 
2. I am not saying that we are 100% not having children.  

This is simply a post pointing out how we, me included, are determined to push people into the next club. 



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